Small confession comming from me now. Last months have been utterly horrible for me the last months or actually soon maybe a year. My head is a total mess. I am overly thinking and paranoid most of the time. I get headaches like every hour though i have gotten so used to it now so i dont even take headache pills for it. Those who have been social to me knows that i have a problem with sleeping. Always oversleeps or atleast almost every time. And when i have slept i usually just feel that i havent slept enough. This is due to that almost every night i have nightmares. And it really have gotten so far that i can sleep with nightmares each and every night without needing to wake up cause i know that it isnt real. But still it makes my body very tired. Some of you have heard about the dreams i have had and some i have written here. And i tell you all that those i have told you all are the minor ones. And lately they have become more and more intensive. But its not like the same dream over and over. Each one is diffrent. I have hardly any idea why i have them. But something tells me that its due to stress. Maybe it is. Though dont want to see a psychologist due to this. Cost way too much money to go and see one. But if i am right well then i have a plan already underway. Hopefully it'll be enough to cure it in a minor way. For those who wonder what i am thinking about i tell you its not sex, even though it famously known for being good if you are stressed and needs to get away from life. But instead i'm gonna go to a local massager that i have been recommended that seem to be quite good. Hopefully a couple of massages will help to get rid of all these dreams and headaches. Though last time i expreinced a massage i got very sore for like 2 days and so was the person with me. But i guess thats due to we not being used to it.

Happy week everyone. All of yours will probably be better than mine.

Havent been many posts lately i know. Dunno what it is. Its like i'm loosing that side of me to write at this moment. Not just about the blog but the story writing me. And beside that it feels like i'm loosing something else of me. I have started to feel more lonely and less intressted into stuff i was intressted into before. All i seem to do all days now is just to make the days pass by for something. I mean what in the world is wrong with me? Why do i feel so lonely even though i have people around me? Why am i going back to my old habits? Something isnt right and i have no idea what or why. I have like the biggest of speech in my head but somehow i cant even write it down. My hand just wanna run away do something else these days. Not really wanting to write about whats going on. It always just stops for me. Giving me like small sentances that makes no sense. Argh i dont like this. All this thinking and no way to tell whats going on. Each time i try to speak out i just always stop in the beginning and somehow cant continue on. Honestly whats going on? :(

Wakey wakey! Clock is like 10 and i'm up. Up from horrible dreams again. Dreams of a war and traveling. In this dream i somehow was able to be in Sweden, Germany and Japan over a day. I crashlanded in Germany with an air plane, i traveled with train in Japan and once again its war back in Sweden. Though this time i found out whom are holding the war. Its somehwo France and Germany. Why i have no idea. Though me and my family including my somehow alive father and my parents have somehow thrown away the battle axe. And in the dream somehow there is this little girl i have seen and protected so many times. But this time i recognized her face clearly. It was in a way my very first girlfriend whom i last met like 12 years ago. Why in the world am i dreaming about her? :S

HAd something else on my head awhile sgo but it slipped so have fun. ;)

Sorry no special Valentines post yesterday. Cant say i celebrated it. Never had a partner during valentines day. Either way today my laptop crashed so i had to reinstall it. Luckily as i am a good computer guy i made a backup of everything and now have a clean computer. Hopefully it'll last longer this time. Band practise gets cancelled. Me being in school makes things hard to have a band. Wish it was just 8 to 15 like it was back in Upper secondary. But Uni. My god, class can end at 20:45 sometimes. No time for anything else.

The stalkers i think have gotten a new person to stalk it seems. Don't know if they have read my blogg or something but they seem to keep a little more distance this time. Maybe they are just hunting some random people. Well i dont know. Hardly care either way.

To end this i report that i think i'm getting a minor cold and i think i'll give you all a rather small taste of something i have been working on just to fill out space.

The smell of burning wood was around around him. With it was a smell of something else. Something awful. He didn't know what it was. The smell got stronger and his eyes started to see something in front of him. There was liquid dropping onto his stomach. It neither warm nor cold. He felt as the liquid crawled down his stomach. As his vision started to come back the sight of red was the major color he saw in front of him. He heard something like heavy breathing but it wasn't like a normal human. It was more like a beast's. The dripping was now more of a pouring. He raised his head an inch just so he could see his stomach. It was red.

Well now everyone, I have applied for for schools in UK. And due to rules in UK ou can only apply for 5 courses but i have only applied for 4. And for those who are wondering what i applied for its

• Game development with Mathematics (Joint hours) - Kingston
  
• Game development - Kingston
• Mathematics And Computer Science - University of Bristol
• Game development (Story Development) - University of East London

I know that the deadline was 15th of January. And honestly i found out today about it. So i missed the deadline. Well hopefully i'll have as much luck as when i got into JTH (Thank you who told me that they used same system as here in sweden).

Besides that i saw Rawride the other day and i promise you all they are great. They played on a charity for Médecins Sans Frontières (Or more known as Doctors Without Borders). Well there was a few other bands playing also like Stormhold, Solitude and Screw You. Yes there is a band called that in the area. After the show we went back to Faust place and played some games and had fun. Got a little crazy after awhile but it was fun.

And to end this. Dont watch the unrated version of Sex Drive. I thought it contained just a little more nudity than the rated version. But i warn you all its a freaking porn movie.

Have a great day.

Morning everyone, before starting to write anything i just wanna say sorry to all the people that had to go through my bad mood yesterday. Though here comes a small announcement. My blogg will change theme in a short while. So hopefully it will be added withouth much trouble. Longer post later for you all. ^^

Things are so wrong with me at the moment. Its probably cause I'm tired and all, but i am worrying and my emotions are going nuts at this particular moment. Those of you all who know me the best knows that i have been trying to change and make a new life for myself. That is actually something i always wanted since i was a kid. Now when things have starting rolling on that way of change something in me really tells me to stop and go back. I still feel that i want my life to change but something in me tells me that life still belongs to the very place i have been raised at. All this struggling with creating the new me and soon maybe a possible spot in London. And what happens? My freaking whole body tells me not to do it. Why not just tell me that i should return later after maybe spending some time at a other place? Why? This feeling have been here most of the day. Its pretty annoying really. What makes it worse is when i see something i can connect with my old life. Like this morning i was on a friends Picture Diary and checked out her new pics. The thing was that she had uploaded pics of her and a friend of hers and mine also. A friend i honestly have had feelings for before for a long time. Even though it have been flickering over the years and was vanished now for a few. But when i saw the pic and something told me that if i go i'll lose most people as my friends. Its very weird. Is it just second thoughts? Or was there a plan for me in the beginning? I am quite confused at this moment.

Be blessed as a friend of mine usually tell me.