Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts

Days passing by. And hardly any posts from me. I guess I'm slacking off a little here. Too much World of Warcraft lately probably. Darn that game, it really kills you from the outside. Though i have finally gotten a good character. Either way today I'm gonna take up a topic that when i was little had hardly any existence. But lately is something i see more and more often. The Euro-Asian families. When i was little and a growing child i lived in a town where most people somehow breeded with people similar to each other and with that i mean Swedish with Swedish, Vietnamese with Vietnamese, Bosnian with Bosnian and so on. But lately i have seen alot of couples who are Swedish+Thai. I mean a couple of years ago that was a pretty darn rare sight. Now i see it almost everyday. And don't go up north. Each and every guy there is together with an Asian there. Was so in shock when i was in Sundsvall to shop and all i saw was Swedish men with Asian wife's and kids. Started to wonder if it was some kind of trend or something up there. Though then again I'm as guilty as them. I was together with a Asian girl. And btw i am not against it really. Just that it feels weird for me seeing other euro-asian couples.
Though finally got my laptop to work again after the charger broke over a month ago. Finally i can sit in Fedora again. Though it was funny the day i got the charger. after getting the charger i went to school to study with some friends. While working and studying i was also updating my computer. And i tell you with Linux there is always new updates each month and it updates software that isn't just for the operating system but also for everything else also so you never need to worry about having old software. well either way. After being done with 200 updates or so, it was time for restarting the computer. And so i did. I shouldn't had, it was a mistake. It seems sometime during the updates it updated GRUB in some way so. And GRUB handles something that is called the Master Boot Record that handles what should be booted and how it should be done. Well somehow it now said there weren't any harddrive to boot from. Though that doesn't make really sense cause for GRUB to even start it needs a harddrive. Well later that night i fixed it with my "pro" Linux skills (Google). But now everything works. And now even Spotify works, that before said i didn't have a working sound card.
And now something i have hold in for quite awhile. Even though it have been around 4 months since it ended, the feelings is still there. And now the other day we finally had a real talk for the first time in a long time. And honestly it was really relieving that we finally talked. Though it started off bad, things finally was took up between the two of us. And honestly during that time i felt glad that she opened up and told me straight to me what was going on. Something i havent dared to do since things splitted up. And honestly all feelings are still there, just that they are hidden away to ensure no one gets hurt. Though still i have times when i am emotionally down. Some people have really have seen the worst sides of me during that time. Sides i didnt want anyone to see or experience. Though worst thing with just holding things in that when for example hugging a relative or a friend it just feels empty and i start to remember those hugs that could really make me explode. Wish i just could experience it once more. Cause honestly i couldnt get enough of it. I just wished things wouldnt be so complicated.
I dont know if some people will react to it but this is how it is partly inside. I wish i could be more true at this at this moment. Well i hope this will be a good post for you all.

Was awhile since the last post. Not much happening really. Though things will probably remain in silence for awhile after this day. Well its cause I'm going away tomorrow to see my grandparents and relatives on my mothers side. They only live 10 hours away with train. And that just what I'm going to ride. Train all the way from Jönköping to Ånge that is in the middle of the country. Though I tell you even if i say in the middle of the country it doesn't mean there are many cities or such. Just that it is half across the country. Will be going with my sister so she is coming tomorrow. Though i need to clean up my place a little. ^^
Though its not just my place that needs cleaning up here, its the kitchen also cause it looks horrible. As good as it is its not my time to clean the kitchen. ^^ Actually the place looks almost like we have had a rave party and everyone is like if they were wasted. And i tell you all we didn't do anything special yesterday. Besides there was poker tournament downstairs and a goodbye dinner for the exchange students at some other place. ^^
How this happened don't ask me cause i have no idea. ^^
Beside that i guess i have finally started to understand my roller-coaster ride as some call it. It basically is about something that people here sometimes call damp though its not really the same thing and is a misunderstanding. Though as many of the people i have grown up with i sometimes go berserk when people are irritating, annoying or being cruel against me. It all is about really about built up anger that have is filling up eachtime i feel hurt or sad. I dont know how many times i have gone berserk due to it in elementary school. Though things changed in 9th grade. That change was the martial arts. During the years i had trained it i never really got angry at anyone really. Never touched someone beside when Robert asked me to punch him in school to see how hard i can punch. Well i can say it worked for 3 years really and everyone saw me at the dojo as a really nice guy. Same was it in upper secondary school. Someone who never got really angry at anything nor even killed a fly. A plain nice guy i guess. But then a day came when my world was really turned upside down. And it was cause of my fathers death. I started to train less and do nothing more often. I closed myself again and i wasnt as outgoing as i used to be but still i have always been shy. And as many other people recently have noticed i have been going really up and down at times. I guess its all from the lack of putting anger and annoyence on something. I guess i need some martial arts training again. Though i wonder if i should go back to Karate or if i should start with something new. Though i cant start anything until i have moved i guess. Anyone who can recomend anything? :P

Sunday and today i have been a good boy. I have cleaned my room. Much cleaner now. ^^
Havent cleaned in awhile actually. I wont say how long ago it was cause then i probably get whipped by someone. Who i dont know but most probably by someone of the opposite gender. Pictures of my cleaned room will be further down.

Though about the other gender in general. Dunno what it is lately but people whom i socialize with seem to want me to hook up with other girls. Have happened twice already on 2 days. Yesterday my housemates started talking about it at the dinner table and the mentioned four people where two names doesnt sound good at all and one i have heard of but never meet even though she lives next door and the fourth one is a lesbian. The names of the two girls or should i say nicknames really is Gorilla and Chimpanse. And i say it doesnt bode well if you ask me. The girl next door i know who she is and what her name is though its told she hardly speaks. Guess its some shy girl. And as i said before the fourth girl is a lesbian. I mean come on? I dont really wanna be together with a lesbian and secondly even though i'm single i'm not really looking either at the moment. Want things to calm down before i even try with someone else. And now the second time was today. Talked with a friend of mine and we got into the talk about me being shy and all. Though she doesnt really believe it cause i was able to talk with a friend of hers without any real problem. Well i just said she was one who easily opened up to talk. Then she told me she actually was a very shy girl. Though from what i noticed she didnt really seemed like that kind. And then she said it. My friend said we might have actually clicked. And then she started to make plans. Well we'll see if that friend of mine really will do as she said. Though if she will try to make us together or something i have no idea what to do. What is it with people and trying to hook me up with other people? They try to ensure i get laid or how you say it? Though worse is probably when i meet my grandparents(mothers side) next time they'll probably ask me to see some girl they know up there. Cause last time they were asking when i would bring up their great grandkids. I mean hello i'm only newly turned 20 the youngest family i know of had their kid at the age of 23. And not to be critisising against him but for me that feels alittle too young. But thats just me i guess.

Well have a great night and enjoy pictures of my room. ^^

Didedeluuu. Another post. I have nothing really on my mind to blog about really. Just felt to make a post. Though for you who have been thinking the whole thing about men are like purses and girls are like diamonds. I'm sorry people you are really stereotypical. Saying all that stuff doesnt mean that everyone is like that. If it were so then my my the world is lacking of unique people. And i can assure you all that i have meet quite a few unique people both bad and good ones that doesnt really fit into that bullshit. Sorry for my choice of words. And yea i know i had my finger into a little though it was mostly as a joke. Dunno really why i write about it but i guess its cause i'm tired. Well beside of that i dunno what happened to me like a few mins ago but i got like a sudden flashback of the day when i was about to leave to go to malaysia. I wonder what happened. It wasnt like i fell down on the floor or anything but it went through my head like really fast. Every conversation and everything i saw. Hmm maybe my brain wants to sleep or something.

Though the other morning i had a strange dream that was first half very dream like and second half was much more real. I remember that i somehow was in a some old egyptian style catacomb. And i entered a big room and as i got into the room i saw there was like a whole in it and qwhen i looked down into it i saw some sort of grave for several people. But not like a mass grave but instead like it was went for several people. The i was surounded by several others. Dunno who they were but they knew me. Some people went down to the graves to check out the graves. Suddenly something happened. The people who had gone done started to sink down into the ground and arms were dragging them down. All of the sudden the catacomb was filled with dead people that was trying to attack me and the others. One got to me, but i recognised the face. It was someone i knew. I started to talk to the person and it reacted and started talking back and it seems i somehow got it to ehlp me out and show it that it could live a free life. All of the sudden everything went dark. And then i saw that light were everywhere and it was comming from all kinds of directions. I looked around and i noticed that the person was with me but looked much more like a person than a dead corpse. But also i noticed that i was on Dreamhack somehow. Also i knew exactly where my seats were so i took the person to the place. On the way i talk with a old friend of mine namned Markus Kothe. His girlfriend was with him and suddenly the person grabbed Kothe's girlfriend like it was gonna attack her. I told her to stop and it wasnt something that person should do. The girl just laughed over it and so did the rest of us. We then splited ways and me and the person went to my seat. As i sat down i noticed that it was in the B building on dreamhack. Pretty weird though cause i have never sat there and havent really had plans to sit there either. The person was somehow very fond of me and was very clingy on me and i didnt really minded. Shortly after that i woke up. Weird dreams huh? Well now things stopped in my head to write about well i guess i should head to bed then.

Goodnight everyone and have great dreams or great days. ;) I sure will try to have good dreams.

Was awhile since my last post. Or actually a real post. The last one was really a random post from a random burst of emotions i guess. Mysterious stuff really. I hardly know why it happen sometimes. Either way this weekend i was away to my grandmother to be on Cecilia's birthday party. Actually she turned 18 so she really wanted me and my sis to be there and i couldnt really let her down. Went down to Helsingborg with the buss this time. 3hours and 30 mins of sitting on a boring buss. Though for 2h and 20 mins i sat and talked with my sis nonstop really. She came onto the buss later due to we live in diffrent towns. Dont think the passangers really liked that we talked the whole way down. Though they didnt say anything. Other that day much didnt really happen more than i wasnt able to talk with Viv before i went. Well well it happens. Though the next day (Saturday) i woke up early but then i slept very late the night before around 3 or 4 really. Some stuff going through my head and not really feeling tired. Well shit happens as they say. Though during the morning i cleaned and was online a little before the party. Was a nice party though i was mostly playing around with the kids as usual. Hmm even on my birthdays i was playing mostly around with my small cousins. Night passed by in a swift and the day after we had to travel back me and my sis. Though we visited my aunt and my small cosuins for a few hours before going. Alma was playing around with my hair and such. Though after being there for a bit we went back to grandma and ate a little before going with the buss back. Just before we ate i got something confirmed my father had kidney stones twice. So i guess i should be put on the list of a risk factor. 25% not good.
Going back wasnt really that pleasant. First of i got a headache when we went on. Later i got a stomach ache also. So i took up my laptop and watched 'The IT Crowd' just to make me think of other stuff. Hilarious episode though during it i got an acute need to pee and it was like in an instant i had been filled. As good as we have it here in Sweden the busses have a toilet on them. Went in and what did i notice? No light. Hmm fun. Well with a few tricks i managed to use the toilet with the light that should had worked. Went back and then watched. After arriving back in Jönköping and went to the next local buss i needed to take to get back at my apartment i noticed that it had just gone and the next one wouldnt come until in 45 mins. Still stomach and head was aching so i got pretty pissed really. After some thoughts for like half a second i came to the conclusion that i could just walk home. Its just 6-7km on foot in -3C and so i did. And for those who wondred why i did it. Well i can tell you that it takles me about 30 mins to walk that distance so i would be home before the next buss came. Clock was about 9 when i was back home. After some chit chatting with the others i went into my room and sat down at the computer to check mail and such. Took a pill just so iw ould get rid of that headache. 15 mins later Viv got on. Finally someone to cheer me up from this bad evening. And so she did. Though it was surprising that she even was online that late. Well well no matter, something good came out of my day atleast so i didnt go asleep grumpy.
Gonna stop here i guess. Not anything intressting more than i updated W kayz link to his new blogg. Noticed today he had signed up as follower of my blogg. Thank you Wei. How i'm gonna follow yours i dunno though.

Time flies by sometimes but not as often as i want to. Sorry Amelia for the late update but the time flew away cause i was tired yesterday. Tonight though i will be up long. Need to reinstall my computer. This time i will try Windows Vista x64. Hopefully it will be more stable than the normal version. But before i can install the new version i have to download it and thats why im writing now cause i have loads of time.
Dreamhack ended yesterday and i'm sorry to say it wasnt as good as it used to be. My friends thought it was great but i cant say the same. During the event i got myself a new hard drive though. So now i have loads of space on my computer for once. Though the only problem is that my computer is crapping me. :/
During the event something weird started to stir inside of me though. Started to feel angry over something but i dont know what it was. When i lost in a game or something just didnt go my way i got angry. Havent had such anger issues before. I even got irritated at people for nothing at all. Still only one person calmed me down. Dunno how that person did it, but it worked. Something is really wrong with me lately. And that person seems to be the only one making me relaxed and calm. Maybe it is as someone said. Maybe it is cause i want some kind of closure as a friend of mine said. But then again i have moved on without closure before why not now? The mind is truely a force to recon with. It can really mess you up good and you cant do anything to stop it. But aslo lately i have not only felt angry i have felt alone also. Even while i was on dreamhack. I had like 10'000 people that was like me and i could talk with anyone about anything. But still i felt that i was alone. It was freaking horrible. Anyone knows what is happening to me though? Any cure someone can give me?

Have more on my mind but dont really feel like writing it all at the moment. Just plainly tired and feel angry at my computer for crapping. Wish things were easier.

Though of doing a little blogging now when i'm sitting down and waiting for my laptop to be upgraded to the latest version of Fedora. Well i guess thats all i'm gonna say about computers otherwise it'll be pretty boring. Though before i updated the computer though i saw Clannad the movie. And yea i know its a Anime and it doesnt follow the series fully. But heck i dont care i like the movie better either way! Dunno why i really like that movie. It gives me the chills at specific times. Its both a very happy movie and sad. And yea no action. So lovely without all that action scenes where people get killed but still stand and talk. Freaking annoying. Maybe have grown some love on non action movies. Or just that i grown tired of the action ones. Either way as i said before it gives me the chills and there aint many things that gives me the chills in this world. And i tell you two things i confess of getting the chills from is specific operas and Clannad the movie. Both things are exellent in their own ways. And i say when i say opera songs i mean songs like Fredrik Kempe's Vincero, Paul Potts and Luciano Pavarotti. Awfully good singers. Though they all have sang Nessun Droma and they all have their own versions. Badly enough only Paul Potts is active. Cause Pavarotti is dead since last year and Fredrik is now days performing at rare cases from what i have gotten information about. Well hopefully i'll get the chance to hear Paul potts one day. A must to see him when i go to UK. ;)
Enough of opera might be considered gay soon. Wouldnt be too good. Well atleast i know of my sexuality.
Dreamhack is just around the corner or actually just 1 day and 6 hours away. Though me and my friends as we usually do go in a little later so we dont need to be in any lines. This year we'll be six people going. New record! Though we have been 5 before. And this time its gonna be my 5th time there geeking around like a fool. Hopefully i'll survive it without scratches from "people". Last time i got lots of hugs of random people. Why? I have no idea. Not really famous or anything. But also last time was horrible due to two reasons we only were 3 people going and someone very dear to me was undergoing a major surgery. So i was really restless the whole time and worrying my butt of more than 50% of the time. Though happily everything went fine and i accidently sent an sms to the parent and spoiled a few things that she shouldnt had heard for that time. Well that was last year. I wonder what will happen this year. One thing for sure that have to be done is that i have to buy a new mouse. My current one is really annoying me at the moment cause it goes on and off the whole time. My beloved MX510! *sob, sob* and i dont wanna upgrade to a MX518. I love my MX510. I have had it since my first dreamhack. And my god i just noticed its over 5 years old. That makes it even more sad. :'( Well one day it will die though till then keep on living my MX510.
Enough of my sad moment now. Time for some cheering up i guess.


Fun for the whole family

Well its getting late now and i need my beauty sleep. And everyone who have seen my face knows that i need beauty sleep. :P

What a great start of the week.Morning started off with me waking up at 5. Yea thats right 05:00 in the morning. And the thing is i fell asleep about 2 o'clock. Darn damnation bad of me. Went down to mothers kitchen and ate breakfast and then packed the last stuff before going. Though my little sister (Not you amelia) was late and had to come with me and my mother. We got like 10 mins late. And i'm such a person as i have to be at a place like 10 mins before hand to feel that things are going right otherwise i get nervous about missing the train. Then me mom drove us away. And as lucky as i was when i got to the station the train just came. But there was one problem. It was on the wrong side of the tracks. Owh noo the first thought i had i'm gonna miss it. The problem is with it being on the other side of the rail is that i have to run 200meter extra. And i tell you i dont recomend that you run with luggage and havent had enough sleep. Though i was lucky they noticed i was running from the otherside so the train waited for me. I got on and now the worst parts starts. I felt really sick. The rest oif the trip back up to Jönköping i felt like puking the whole time.
Got to Jönköping and when i got off the train i sort of felt better. Went down to school and met up with Johan and Jakob. I can tell Johan was really in a good mood today he was laughing at anything and he was acting like a i child most of the day. Though so did me an jakob to certain extent. ;)
Though due to to my lack of sleep i felt quite bad the whole day. But then again i was mostly reading. Though when it was time for lunch i had to go get it for myself. Walked out and it was raining a little. Well atleast for that moment. As soon as i had walked through the school of learning and communication it started to rain even more and as i was at the pharmacy it went over and became a rainstorm. And as i ordered my meal it started to hail And the storm blew the water from the street right into the shops corner so the whole kitchen got wet. Though i was lucky and just got my food. Though when i got it i ran as fast as i could back to school so it wouldnt get worse. And i tell you i almost flew on the way back due to strong winds. :S
As i walked into the school i heard a girl saying Oh my god how wet he is. Then i noticed the whole of me was really drenched. Well not much i could do about it at that perticular moment more than walk back to Jacob and Johan. And after i left the food i went and dried my hair on the toilet.
Around 3 i went back home to my old apartment. And i napped. Owh how good that felt. Heaven on earth really. After a short nap of like 2 hours or so i went back and sat down with the computer and tried to install Crysis on it. Though that didnt succed so well. Something wrong with the computer so i couldnt install it. But then i installed it on my laptop instead and it worked without problem. Just that i then have to trnsfer over 6GB of data twice. :/
Well i guess thats were my bad luck ends. Though after some chatting with the house mates i hear about that Paul had invited a girl over tomorrow on a movie night and Hamza was like crazy about it cause he wanted it to be romantic and everything. Though it was hilarious. The two of them going crazy over just one girl comming over. My god they are like children in a candy store sometimes. Though we will see how a polish guy and a german girl works out. ;)

And thank you all who have been talking with me today you all have helped me with not thinking about wanting to puke. ^^

Ands as a end to this i show you all this weird music vid i found. Though i wonder why Peter Stormare is in it though. :/

Clock is 23:13 and i should be asleep. Tomorrow i'm gonna visit Telia Sonera and i have to be at school around 08:00 *sob*. Too freaking early if you ask me. Though i guess i wont have a problem with it now. My sleeping sheduale have changed over the weekend. Somehow i have gotten an easier time to get up in the morning but i have to nap around 18:00. Weird really, though i slept awhile ago i'm still quite sleepy somehow. Something must be wrong with me i never was like that before only times i napped before like that was while i was in Malaysia but that i guess was cause of the heat. But back here in sweden there is no heat now. Maybe my brain is crapping me.

Trying to find some lyrics to fit in with today about how i am feeling, though i cant find any. Annoying, Though anything anyone can recommend to me? And i'm already saying no to The click 5, ryan cabrera, Keith urban or anything like that. Not in the mood for any girl pop or such stuff. Though im hardly ever up for anything like that. Even right now Anthrax and Metallica doesnt sound good enough for me. Its too bad i dont have Rise against or Goldfinger on this computer, they usually get me going. Though Ghost showed me Katatonia yesterday and they were quite nice. And of course its swedish music. :P

Tomorrow morning Heroes comes out. Episode 3 and i can say the season started off quite well, and so far a little better than season 2. Well not only is Heroes gonna be released but so will House MD. Dunno why i like that series really its very repetive somehow. Always the same thing in a way. Always the patient is about to die when House gets what it is.

Well i guess there wont be a lyric instead i'll show some youtube clip of one of my favorite bands

Rise Against - Like the Angel


Rise Against - Paper Wings



And now Amelia i have changed your name so you'll find your link in the list. Look under ShugarShorty, hope you like that better.

Well i can start off with gratulating Johan a friend of mine from university and not the other Johan from my hometown. He is gonna be a father around May, so i wish him the best of luck and hope it will be a healthy child.

Besides that at the moment i'm at my mothers place over the weekend due to no reason. Well in a way i need to come away from Jönköping. Stressing out everyday in a way with the thinking exams is comming up and then we will go on a "school trip" to Telia Sonera and see how their network looks like. I'm really 'woho' over that. Notice the irony.

The people over at SYSteam called me last monday and told me that i had been choosen to do the second interview for them. They said they would call me at the end of the week with more information about when it should be. Cause now they were just calling around to tell people that they had gotten further with the interviews. And all of those who know how the system works here knows that it usually happens on a Thursday or on a Friday. Though they never called back. And now its sunday. Well hopefully they were just too busy and will call me on monday or tuesday otherwise i guess i'll just call them back and see what is happening.

Though if i get the full time job i think i might reduce how much i'll be in school and take one course at the time. But not not jumping off school. Just prolong it a little. Plus either way i have like only 2 more courses after this and that would mean i would only need like maybe a half year extra. Plus the loan would be reduced quite fast so i wont need to pay for as long and as much. Though at the moment i am owing them 50'000 SEK. Well if i reduce it as much as possible fast then the faster i can study for Game designing. Though there is still a long way there. And i hope the book is finished by then. And i know someone who'll think i'll just waste time away if i do this. Well i'm sorry to say this but i need money to survive and that comes before studying. I might loose some time on it. But during that time i'm not dependet on others or my results but instead on what i'm good at. Cause i'm not good at studying, but i have always been one who have been good at learning from experince instead of from the theory. And i feel right now that i need that experience to take the next step instead of getting all the theory behind it.

Though today i guess i have been single for about 2 weeks you can say. And i can tell you all it feels horrible. Though it is my fault that i got into the situation of being single. Wish i didnt say what i said to her. But it seems she was able to move on. And i'm happy for her, but i have the trouble moving on myself. There isnt a single day so far i havent thought about what i did and how i can fix it. But at the end of all the thinking i always come up with that she will be happier without me, cause all i do is hurt her and that is why it became this way in the first place. Though i can only say i'm sorry for everything i have done at this moment though i know there is nothing i can return to. So all i wanna do now is just make sure that she is safe and happy. And hopefully there will come a day when she'll find someone she'll go crazy over and that the person she likes can answer those feelings without hurting her. Even though she says she doesnt believe in long lasting love i know she'll find it someday with someone who really will take care of her. Even though it hurts me to say all that and really want her for my own, i really wish for her happiness above my own.

Though as a request to someone out there. Help me move on cause this is killing me. I might be troublesome but maybe you can succeed with helping me move on. Though i prefer someone i can meet rather than someone who's on the other side of the world right now. I can tell you that its not easy when there is a distance and the only way to communicate is through a MSN conversation. So if you live in Sweden and near Jönköping, then just contact me. Dont care if
your not native swedish or that the only way you can communicate is in english. I talk english almost every day now so dont worry.
PS: Don't take the add too seriously i'm just crapping myself away. Though it would be nice to have someone to talk to about the whole thing.

Though just to add a few things to this all and that i find weird. Around the time i got together with her i trained alot of karate but shortly after we got together i lost some of the reason to continue with it. And now when it's over i all of the sudden i feel the need to start to train again. So now i am doing situps and arm heaves regulary and it started right after the breakup. I wonder what its about. This is just theory from a tired Kenny just so you know and can be all out wrong. Maybe i stopped before cause i felt that at that time i had someone i really cared about and that she didnt care about how i fit i was. And now when its over my body just switched over to some sort of single mode where it wants to come back to the fit game. I have already gotten myself 3 new kilos on 2 weeks. And that is freaking fast with the thinking i have been trying hard the last couple of years to gain weight. I guess just some training again would do it. Though back in the days of when i trained Karate i was around the same weight the whole time, even though i trained alot. Maybe now its cause i just make plain muscular training that i gain weight instead of before when i trained the whole of my body and was more into technique training and be able to use the power i had to use it as effectivly as possible. But thats just a theory.

Still playing around with the Irrlicht Engine. Right now i just want to create this floating castle and experiment with NPC and stuff like that. Though no mail about anyone intressted yet though i guess its gonna be like this for quite awhile. Hopefully things will start to move soon, just wished it was already started with production. Well i guess its like this when there is no money involved. Plus there isnt that many that keep track of my blogg. Though i know a few who does and they seem to visit quite alot. But most of the people i know isnt intressted in what i want to do. Well some are but not to the extent to be able to help me or i havent been able to talk to them about it.

Tomorrow i probably gonna work at my mothers antique shop. And i know already i wont like it. I never do. Usually just a bunch of old people comming there to buy things to support the shop and sometimes some other people to come around and look at things. And the place stinks. Though it only seems i'm the only one troubled with it. Everything just smells old and more than half the stuff there i hardly dare to touch. And i can tell you i have no problem with old people, just dont like the aura they give away from themself sometimes. And i'm no psycic or anything but they sometimes really give away a bad aura and you just feel down or depressed from them.

The book is getting delayed. Wrote on it a few days ago but when i started to check everything i noticed things were missing. Most of what i had written on the prologue and the first chapter was gone. I got really mad and really lost the will to write anything. Though i pained myself to rewrite most of what was missing. But i guess some new ideas for the comming chapters came up during that time so in a way i guess it was a good thing. I really need to finish the first book. But i have a feeling it will take quite awhile before it'll be finished. I dont have that much time to write anything. If it werent for all the studys i might have come way further with it. Well God give me strength to finish the first one so i can continue with the rest of the story. There is so much to write and i feel if i just finish the first one the rest will come. Though everything is already here but stuck in my head and have been there for years. Dont fully remember when it all started i remember the first works of it came when i was on my skiiing trip to Idre. I drew a image of a shield with the Phoenix feather crest on it. And it was the first drewing i really felt that it was well made. After that my fantasy have been working like crazy but i never wrote it down. Instead i read alot i remembered.

I read books like Harry potter, Wheel of time and Sword of Truth. And i can tell you all that the wheel of time series is like 22 books in swedish and the Sword of truth is 16 books in swedish at this moment. And more to come for Sword of truth. Actually As you might have seen i got a new link on my link list. Legend of the Seeker is actually the new series of the books of Sword of truth. And i'm eagerly waiting for it to release. Though the first season will only handle the first english book. And that is like the 2 first books in swedish. How they are gonna pull that off i have no idea with the thinking the first season is like 22 episodes that is like 40 min each without advertisements. Well hopefully it'll go well though i can already say that the books is gonna be better than the series. But they wont miss out as much as they do when they make movies out of books. Cause now they have 22x40mins for the first book. *Spoiler Warning* To read just mark the space that is missing.
Though something i really will enjoy later is when Kahlan will ride nude and pale on a horse to scare a whole army and then make them surrender before her. And i probably will get the chills when Richard is gonna learn to handle his powers.

I guess i just have to stop here before i write too much. Became quite alot and i hope you survived reading it all. Well its getting late now and i need to sleep. Well i guess i'll see you all some other day. And dont forget to leave a message after reading this. Cause that'll make me happy. And i'm okey with critizism also though not about spelling cause i already know that i need to fix that. Have a good day or night.