It's wednesday and I'm sick with a fever. Funny though if you ask other people I should be dead by now, but not cause of sickness but by a blackhole that man created in Cern this morning. But I guess they were wrong. Either way I'm here now and I feel like dying and its not cause I'm sick but cause life just sucks right now. I dont have any energy to do anything and my life just feeling like its falling apart and I cant stop it. Freak I'm 19 and this isnt how i should feel like. There is a whole future for me out there isnt there? But why cant i see it? Am I locking myself in or something? Maybe its all cause i'm not thinking straight. Though when am i thinking straight? Lately I have only been just a bugger for the ones around me. Or it feels like that. Though i started to wonder am i changeing maybe? Or is the world around me changing and i arent? What is really happening? Is it that a part of me wants to change badly but the myself isnt listening maybe? I wish i could just sort things out. Making a life i dont need to think what might happen in the future if i do something. As some people tell me that i do think too much. I guess i am doing it right now. Anyone with tips how i fix this? Though if someone suggest to talk with a therapist or a psycologist, they themself have to pay for it cause i have no money at all anymore. And its 15 days till i get any money. :(


For someone out there. Kill me and revive me when i can take it easy and dont have to think about everything around me.