Dunno whats really with myself sometimes. Lately or actually for quite some time i have had the urge to always have people around me and make notice of me without having myself to show myself off. If i dont get that social attention i somehow get deppressed somehow. Not sure where i got it from but i guess on being an outcast for many years have made its mark on me. Even now i feel still feel like an outcast. Though mostly now its cause i woke up at 12pm and noticed my housemates was gone. I guess they went to some party not sure though. Either way due to that i felt really depressed and left out even though it was really my fault for falling asleep early. Dumbshit me! So just to cheer me up in some way i went online on MSN and looked if someone wanted to talk with me. But nope no one was up to it. Felt angry cause no one wanted to talk with me. Why am i so dependet on people?! :(
Next try is a shameful one really and i do confess. I went on 4chan.org . For those who doesnt know what 4chan is then i'll tell you its a picture forum where you can upload any kind of photo and that includes even pornographic pictures. And i warn you dont visit the random area or that people call /b/ cause already (havent been on that site for a long time) i have seen pictures that are illegal anywhere in the world. Either way i went there to check if there was anything to make me feel a little better but there was none. Was even on /s/ and it only made me wonder why there is so many of pictures of girls naked online. And i mean just go to /s/ and you will maybe find even the girl next door or something (not that it has happened). Either way it didnt really help.
Though i guess its that i have people to talk with during the day i can keep myself sane each day. I thank you all for it. And those who have helped me through the last months i'm extra grateful towards. Dont think i wouldnt be standing without the help i got. As much as the last months have strengthen me it have also opened me for something else and i hope it will be good cause i really dont wanna bring people down in the future due to my miserableness.

Good night. I hope it was readable. ;)