There is no words for this.

Its time for me to confess something. One major thing that i have disliked about my behaviour the last year/years. Its something that is rare to see me doing due to the fact of how horrible i feel afterwards about it. And i hope the majority of you all will accept my decision and stop asking questions about why.

Its so that i have decided to stop drinking. Sadly there is a fact that i have lied to some people i have cared and loved. I did drink at some occasions. And at those few occasions i just wanted to disconnect from the world i was living. But after everytime i have done it I'm left with a ton of guilt. A guilt of knowing that i have hurt myself and some of those around me. Sometimes i have also done it to just get accepted by some people but i guess their view of me wouldn't had differed if i had drank any or not. But there is a even greater weight on the aftermath when i have drank. The aftermath I'm talking about isn't the wasted state i get the day after but how i feel about the weeks afterwards. There is a fact that a part of my family have had different kind of problems with drugs and alcohol over the years. But also i have seen friends getting injured from the effects of the alcohol. And its not that I'm afraid of what the alcohol might do to me, its rather what i can do with it and whom i become when its used. Most of the times that i have been drinking have been with connection to depression. Depression that have come with problems with my life. Times when i have felt locked up or when i have been struggling with my past/family.

As a young kid i did make a promise to myself that i have been partly following. And its that i shall make my life right. And not follow a certain family members footprints.
The person was a great person to me even though the persons life ended with anger, sadness, alcohol and drugs. This gave me a view of how close bad things were to me in reality. Sadly i partly took in what partly brought the person down. And that was the alcohol. But now after quite a long time i understand what i have been doing and have decided fully to not drink again.

So if you ever want to buy me a drink some time then get me a alcohol free beer cause i wont accept much else.I really hope you all understand my decision. And its not like i have been ever an alcoholic but there is a fact that i don't like myself drinking it. Your welcome to drink in my presence cause its your choice and not mine and i wont judge you for it. But please don't try to make me drink some.

I had something else on my mind also but forgot. I guess i'll take that another time. Till then. C you and good luck.

A little tired but cant sleep. Need to get my head off things.


There is a few times in a mans life where he really falls in love. Sometimes its a girl he falls for. Maybe his children or maybe his pet. Even have heard of people falling for things like a guitar and things like it.
Though for this guy he succeeded to fall in love with something else. Though as i am a techsavy person its maybe a little normal. We with tech on our minds are quite weird in our own ways or atleast some of us are. Though my current love is the phone you can see to your right. The HTC Hero.

Its one of the new smartphones. And for those who doesnt know what a smartphone is there will be a description further down. Though whats makes the phone so special? I guess your thinking its another iphone clone. Actually for a guy like me its much more than another iphone clone as it has the Android Operating system integrated to itself. Yes a system made by Google and that is free to use for anyone. And what's even more great is that its very customisable as the system is open for public. Its even easy to create your own apps and such on your computer for it. Now time for vids of it. Yay! :D





** A smartphone is a mobile phone offering advanced capabilities, often with PC-like functionality (PC-mobile handset convergence). There is no industry standard definition of a smartphone For some, a smartphone is a phone that runs complete operating system software providing a standardized interface and platform for application developers. For others, a smartphone is simply a phone with advanced features like e-mail, Internet and e-book reader capabilities, and/or a built-in full keyboard or external USB keyboard and VGA connector. In other words, it is a miniature computer that has phone capability.
//Taken from Wikipedia

Waiting for the next burn notice to get done while sitting in my room alone. These days and many other days i have been feeling down and pretty shitty in general. Stomach problems, legs hurting, dizziness and loneliness. All have been "normal" this week really and due to that i feel horrible. I hate these normal days of mine. Sleep, got to work, get home, eat, talk a little and then go back to sleep. And in all honestly it sucks big time for me not having none to talk to face to face with or just being able to hug someone in person that you care about. Heck i think partly i feel like this is cause i live at the moment far from any of my friends whom i never see or hardly hear anything about. In this whole i'm living at now i know like none or actually those whom i have learned to know here i just try to keep away from. Sometimes i just wonder how in the world why i was put here in the first place. People said when i younger that i would be the new Bill gates one day due to knowledge in computers in such a young age.

Though how did i turn out? At the time i have a temporarily employment at a computer workshop that doesn't suck that bad. And i sit at home most of my days either writing or trying to make my first game. I am never really out. I wish i did though but where i am at now there is nothing else to do beside of staying in doing my own thing. Heck i just wish i could take my ass and maybe move away from this place to a much bigger city where i could just find more people like myself or just some people to connect with. And worst is in a way is that those i feel most connected to at the moment arent even swedish talking.

At many times i feel that i maybe dont really have a spot here where i have grown up. Its like im growing or drifting away from where i once belonged. The very place i once called home is a place where i feel like a stranger actually. I visit my home town last week for 2 days. Haven't been there for maybe 2 years and i felt like i didn't belong there any more. And heck i have been living there for 18 years. From the very day i was born i lived in that small village and i lived there till i was forced to move due to studies and that my mother was moving to a village/town where i couldn't travel from to get to the university. Now 2 years later i returned and it didnt feel like home any more. The very place i thought i could feel that i always belonged to, but it wasnt there.

My birthtown was no more. And it partly crushed my heart. And now at this time i dont really feel at home. Not where my mother live. Nor back where i studied and not in my birthtown. So where do i belong? Will i feel like home somewhere or will i maybe stay somewhere without having that clear feeling of security and comfort? A place where i can return to at any time? Maybe its just a part of growing older? Or its the fact that my body wants to run away to a far away country. Maybe its just that i really need to do. Run away and start anew. Start out fresh with friends that wants to see me often and doesnt live a monthly saving away. A place i can maybe feel that i am someone for a someone or some people.

Heck i should stop talk gibberish before i do something impulsive.

Everyone have seen the grand central freezing right? If not its a famous clip on youtube. Wanna see it? Well here the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwMj3PJDxuo

But now its not about them but instead its about the very famous man who became a legend even while he was living. For those who missed the big good/sad news about his passing well now you know. Either way some people here in sweden thought of giving him a tribute. This is what they made. Gonna show two vids where one is on Sergel's Torg in stockholm and on Stureplan. The second vid is also on Sergel's torg but in a diffrent angle and it have a clip of when they are at the Grand central in stockholm. Enjoy

For all the baby lovers out there.

Not since the 18th of April have i posted. And that wasn't a real post either. I guess its time to update this blog a little. Well its not like i will change the layout or anything. But i will try to kick in some life into it hopefully. At the moment i'm sitting at a friends house and just have eaten dinner. And i get annoyed at Thomas Di Leva showing up on spotify all the time. Well not much that can be done about that. For those wondering why i am at a friends place writing this is cause the coming week is graduation week and exams are coming up the days before it. And for those who haven't been updated i now live with my mother. That means i have no apartment of my own for awhile. Well we'll see how long that will be. So i'm forced to live with my friend Jakob till Friday.

Watched Angels and Demons with Tom Hanks yesterday. Quite a good movie. Would give it 4 out of 5. Quite annoying that they have Americanized it. But then again i loved that Ewan McGregor and Stellan Skarsgård was in it. Actually didn't know they were in it until like a half an hour before the show started. And i warmly recommend the movie for anyone.

As some already know i have moved back with my mother and started my internships at Infocare that is the Nordics biggest home electronics repair workshop. That place have really put a lot on my shoulders. I'm running around with two titles. As an Network and Notebook technician. And i promise you its not the nicest work especially cause i do it for free.

More comes later. A little too tired to write at the moment.
Sleep well everyone and everyone else. ;)

One song thathave gone through my playlist alot lately is the song Shekina by Blindside. The song is in both swedish and in english and all the swedish parts in the song are translated during the song. So for those who really want to hear a good song then listen to it. Here comes the lyrics.

Vattnet svart
Som månen full
Varm nattbris viskar

Water black
As the moon is full
Warm nightbreeze whispers
I'm naked and new

I know You're always throwing kisses from the sky
Tonight I caught one
Sixteen years old
I dare to swim further out
I know You're always throwing kisses from the sky
Tonight I caught one

Som om man kunde
Vidröra lycka
Jag virar den runt mig
Som en filt

Like joy was something you could touch
I wrap it around me
Like a blanket
It's just You, me and moon

I know You're always throwing kisses from the sky
Tonight I caught one
Sixteen years old
I dare to swim further out
I know You're always throwing kisses from the sky
Tonight I caught one

Just a small link to support my small brute. Everyone is welcome to click it. ^^

Link