Clock is 23:13 and i should be asleep. Tomorrow i'm gonna visit Telia Sonera and i have to be at school around 08:00 *sob*. Too freaking early if you ask me. Though i guess i wont have a problem with it now. My sleeping sheduale have changed over the weekend. Somehow i have gotten an easier time to get up in the morning but i have to nap around 18:00. Weird really, though i slept awhile ago i'm still quite sleepy somehow. Something must be wrong with me i never was like that before only times i napped before like that was while i was in Malaysia but that i guess was cause of the heat. But back here in sweden there is no heat now. Maybe my brain is crapping me.

Trying to find some lyrics to fit in with today about how i am feeling, though i cant find any. Annoying, Though anything anyone can recommend to me? And i'm already saying no to The click 5, ryan cabrera, Keith urban or anything like that. Not in the mood for any girl pop or such stuff. Though im hardly ever up for anything like that. Even right now Anthrax and Metallica doesnt sound good enough for me. Its too bad i dont have Rise against or Goldfinger on this computer, they usually get me going. Though Ghost showed me Katatonia yesterday and they were quite nice. And of course its swedish music. :P

Tomorrow morning Heroes comes out. Episode 3 and i can say the season started off quite well, and so far a little better than season 2. Well not only is Heroes gonna be released but so will House MD. Dunno why i like that series really its very repetive somehow. Always the same thing in a way. Always the patient is about to die when House gets what it is.

Well i guess there wont be a lyric instead i'll show some youtube clip of one of my favorite bands

Rise Against - Like the Angel


Rise Against - Paper Wings



And now Amelia i have changed your name so you'll find your link in the list. Look under ShugarShorty, hope you like that better.

Well i can start off with gratulating Johan a friend of mine from university and not the other Johan from my hometown. He is gonna be a father around May, so i wish him the best of luck and hope it will be a healthy child.

Besides that at the moment i'm at my mothers place over the weekend due to no reason. Well in a way i need to come away from Jönköping. Stressing out everyday in a way with the thinking exams is comming up and then we will go on a "school trip" to Telia Sonera and see how their network looks like. I'm really 'woho' over that. Notice the irony.

The people over at SYSteam called me last monday and told me that i had been choosen to do the second interview for them. They said they would call me at the end of the week with more information about when it should be. Cause now they were just calling around to tell people that they had gotten further with the interviews. And all of those who know how the system works here knows that it usually happens on a Thursday or on a Friday. Though they never called back. And now its sunday. Well hopefully they were just too busy and will call me on monday or tuesday otherwise i guess i'll just call them back and see what is happening.

Though if i get the full time job i think i might reduce how much i'll be in school and take one course at the time. But not not jumping off school. Just prolong it a little. Plus either way i have like only 2 more courses after this and that would mean i would only need like maybe a half year extra. Plus the loan would be reduced quite fast so i wont need to pay for as long and as much. Though at the moment i am owing them 50'000 SEK. Well if i reduce it as much as possible fast then the faster i can study for Game designing. Though there is still a long way there. And i hope the book is finished by then. And i know someone who'll think i'll just waste time away if i do this. Well i'm sorry to say this but i need money to survive and that comes before studying. I might loose some time on it. But during that time i'm not dependet on others or my results but instead on what i'm good at. Cause i'm not good at studying, but i have always been one who have been good at learning from experince instead of from the theory. And i feel right now that i need that experience to take the next step instead of getting all the theory behind it.

Though today i guess i have been single for about 2 weeks you can say. And i can tell you all it feels horrible. Though it is my fault that i got into the situation of being single. Wish i didnt say what i said to her. But it seems she was able to move on. And i'm happy for her, but i have the trouble moving on myself. There isnt a single day so far i havent thought about what i did and how i can fix it. But at the end of all the thinking i always come up with that she will be happier without me, cause all i do is hurt her and that is why it became this way in the first place. Though i can only say i'm sorry for everything i have done at this moment though i know there is nothing i can return to. So all i wanna do now is just make sure that she is safe and happy. And hopefully there will come a day when she'll find someone she'll go crazy over and that the person she likes can answer those feelings without hurting her. Even though she says she doesnt believe in long lasting love i know she'll find it someday with someone who really will take care of her. Even though it hurts me to say all that and really want her for my own, i really wish for her happiness above my own.

Though as a request to someone out there. Help me move on cause this is killing me. I might be troublesome but maybe you can succeed with helping me move on. Though i prefer someone i can meet rather than someone who's on the other side of the world right now. I can tell you that its not easy when there is a distance and the only way to communicate is through a MSN conversation. So if you live in Sweden and near Jönköping, then just contact me. Dont care if
your not native swedish or that the only way you can communicate is in english. I talk english almost every day now so dont worry.
PS: Don't take the add too seriously i'm just crapping myself away. Though it would be nice to have someone to talk to about the whole thing.

Though just to add a few things to this all and that i find weird. Around the time i got together with her i trained alot of karate but shortly after we got together i lost some of the reason to continue with it. And now when it's over i all of the sudden i feel the need to start to train again. So now i am doing situps and arm heaves regulary and it started right after the breakup. I wonder what its about. This is just theory from a tired Kenny just so you know and can be all out wrong. Maybe i stopped before cause i felt that at that time i had someone i really cared about and that she didnt care about how i fit i was. And now when its over my body just switched over to some sort of single mode where it wants to come back to the fit game. I have already gotten myself 3 new kilos on 2 weeks. And that is freaking fast with the thinking i have been trying hard the last couple of years to gain weight. I guess just some training again would do it. Though back in the days of when i trained Karate i was around the same weight the whole time, even though i trained alot. Maybe now its cause i just make plain muscular training that i gain weight instead of before when i trained the whole of my body and was more into technique training and be able to use the power i had to use it as effectivly as possible. But thats just a theory.

Still playing around with the Irrlicht Engine. Right now i just want to create this floating castle and experiment with NPC and stuff like that. Though no mail about anyone intressted yet though i guess its gonna be like this for quite awhile. Hopefully things will start to move soon, just wished it was already started with production. Well i guess its like this when there is no money involved. Plus there isnt that many that keep track of my blogg. Though i know a few who does and they seem to visit quite alot. But most of the people i know isnt intressted in what i want to do. Well some are but not to the extent to be able to help me or i havent been able to talk to them about it.

Tomorrow i probably gonna work at my mothers antique shop. And i know already i wont like it. I never do. Usually just a bunch of old people comming there to buy things to support the shop and sometimes some other people to come around and look at things. And the place stinks. Though it only seems i'm the only one troubled with it. Everything just smells old and more than half the stuff there i hardly dare to touch. And i can tell you i have no problem with old people, just dont like the aura they give away from themself sometimes. And i'm no psycic or anything but they sometimes really give away a bad aura and you just feel down or depressed from them.

The book is getting delayed. Wrote on it a few days ago but when i started to check everything i noticed things were missing. Most of what i had written on the prologue and the first chapter was gone. I got really mad and really lost the will to write anything. Though i pained myself to rewrite most of what was missing. But i guess some new ideas for the comming chapters came up during that time so in a way i guess it was a good thing. I really need to finish the first book. But i have a feeling it will take quite awhile before it'll be finished. I dont have that much time to write anything. If it werent for all the studys i might have come way further with it. Well God give me strength to finish the first one so i can continue with the rest of the story. There is so much to write and i feel if i just finish the first one the rest will come. Though everything is already here but stuck in my head and have been there for years. Dont fully remember when it all started i remember the first works of it came when i was on my skiiing trip to Idre. I drew a image of a shield with the Phoenix feather crest on it. And it was the first drewing i really felt that it was well made. After that my fantasy have been working like crazy but i never wrote it down. Instead i read alot i remembered.

I read books like Harry potter, Wheel of time and Sword of Truth. And i can tell you all that the wheel of time series is like 22 books in swedish and the Sword of truth is 16 books in swedish at this moment. And more to come for Sword of truth. Actually As you might have seen i got a new link on my link list. Legend of the Seeker is actually the new series of the books of Sword of truth. And i'm eagerly waiting for it to release. Though the first season will only handle the first english book. And that is like the 2 first books in swedish. How they are gonna pull that off i have no idea with the thinking the first season is like 22 episodes that is like 40 min each without advertisements. Well hopefully it'll go well though i can already say that the books is gonna be better than the series. But they wont miss out as much as they do when they make movies out of books. Cause now they have 22x40mins for the first book. *Spoiler Warning* To read just mark the space that is missing.
Though something i really will enjoy later is when Kahlan will ride nude and pale on a horse to scare a whole army and then make them surrender before her. And i probably will get the chills when Richard is gonna learn to handle his powers.

I guess i just have to stop here before i write too much. Became quite alot and i hope you survived reading it all. Well its getting late now and i need to sleep. Well i guess i'll see you all some other day. And dont forget to leave a message after reading this. Cause that'll make me happy. And i'm okey with critizism also though not about spelling cause i already know that i need to fix that. Have a good day or night.

Ooh two posts on one day. Well actually this is just to congratulate my friend Faust on finally getting published. I hope it'll seel well. I know i'll get all three books atleast. ^^

Quite awhile since my last update. School projects taking up all my time. I have 3 of them plus my own hobby project.

For those who wonder how its going with the game/hobby project. Then i can tell you its going forward. But very slow. Still writting alot on whats gonna be in it. Though i'm gonna give you all some sneakpeak information of what will come.

The first thing that i will create is this floating castle. What makes the castle float is due to dark ancient magic. And the whole game/story starts there. The whole theme of the game is gonna be Fantasy and im sorry to say this but the only real race there gonna be is humans. But dont be sad cause of that. Even though there is only humans involved there is diffrent kind of human races. And the there is no specific class system. The whole game will be based on actions and your own kind of playstyle will unfold as you play. During game play you will also be allowed follow diffrent paths but also your own ones. There isn't gonna be any real linear story except the very start to start the game off.

The game also wont just be single player game. There will be a realm-like gameplay where people will be able to connect online and interact with each other and make their own stories.

Though the reason now why its going slow is cause i'm the only one working on it. And mainly i'm into the desgin area. So for now i'm making most of the design and sometimes creating some small stuff to see if i can get things working. Though i really need a graphic artist or just a plain level designer who can help out with the first levels or areas.

For those wondering what tools im gonna use it is:

• Irrlicht
• Blender
• Irrklang
• Irredit
• 3D World Studio
• Dev-C++

And as far as goes right now i'm gonna use OpenGL as the API that way the game can more easily be ported to other systems to like Linux, Mac, PS3, Wii and Xbox360. Well if anyone wanna contact me and wanna help out this little project of mine. You can contact me at: Zorerk@gmail.com
Or you could leave a message here on the blogg and i'll contact you.

It's wednesday and I'm sick with a fever. Funny though if you ask other people I should be dead by now, but not cause of sickness but by a blackhole that man created in Cern this morning. But I guess they were wrong. Either way I'm here now and I feel like dying and its not cause I'm sick but cause life just sucks right now. I dont have any energy to do anything and my life just feeling like its falling apart and I cant stop it. Freak I'm 19 and this isnt how i should feel like. There is a whole future for me out there isnt there? But why cant i see it? Am I locking myself in or something? Maybe its all cause i'm not thinking straight. Though when am i thinking straight? Lately I have only been just a bugger for the ones around me. Or it feels like that. Though i started to wonder am i changeing maybe? Or is the world around me changing and i arent? What is really happening? Is it that a part of me wants to change badly but the myself isnt listening maybe? I wish i could just sort things out. Making a life i dont need to think what might happen in the future if i do something. As some people tell me that i do think too much. I guess i am doing it right now. Anyone with tips how i fix this? Though if someone suggest to talk with a therapist or a psycologist, they themself have to pay for it cause i have no money at all anymore. And its 15 days till i get any money. :(


For someone out there. Kill me and revive me when i can take it easy and dont have to think about everything around me.

Okey okey i havent updated for awhile now i know. Life is going on pretty smooth right now. Though i got a computer crash on my desktop a few days ago. *sob* Though thats nothing that hinders me really. So now i have changed from Windows XP 64-bits to Windows Vista 32-bit. Yea you read right Windows Vista. Havent really had any good memories with vista though i gave it a new chance. Though now atleast Service pack 1 doesnt crash the computer as it did last time when it was newly released.

Other than that i have now decided what engine i should use. If your wondering what i mean with engine i mean Game engine. Have been struggling with what engine i should use for quite awhile now. All from Crystal space, Irrlicht, "My own engine", Panda3D and Genesis device. But now i have choosen. Its gonna be Irrlicht, even though its not really a game engine but a 3D engine. But i think its better to start off with that rather then struggling with all the other engines cause i have had big problems with a few. Especially Crystal space. It wont even compile as it should. Well irrlicht have been so far almost pain free (Dont wanna run DirectX 8 or 9), but i guess i'll do it with OpenGL cause then it can be run on any platform.

Though the problem is what kind of game should i make first? Or should i just experiment first around and see where i end up? Though is there anyone out there who is willing help me maybe with this? Well i'll upload a pic or two how it look like later. But right now i should just figure out how it all works. Though i can show you all a little what others have created with Irrlicht.